i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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