So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
