He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Even the bartender felt bad for me
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
