he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
OPIZZABONMYDICK
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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