i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
