so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
