wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
