Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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