you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
