It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
