Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
