So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
