Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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