My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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