I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize