lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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