i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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