nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
