Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
