This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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