Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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