Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
