You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
