Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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