i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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