Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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