you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
