his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I will pee on everything he values.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
