Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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