All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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