I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize