I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
