Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
