Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Life without a bra equals bliss.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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