Where is the hickey?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
