Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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