Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
