I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
