My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
