When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize