great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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