Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
