That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
