Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
