we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
organizing the empties. That sober.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
