I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Randomize
