I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
