I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
