Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
