My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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