dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
