3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
