so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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