he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
