He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
