just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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