just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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