The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
