In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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