Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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