Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
