This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
This is the prime rib incident all over again
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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