I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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