I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
And then he peed in my hair
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
