Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
