last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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