i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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