Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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