i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize