you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
