hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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