I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize