So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
