mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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