You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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