I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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