I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
