At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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