Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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